I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
