I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize