is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
