Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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