I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
