i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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