i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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