The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
