His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
