idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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