Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
