nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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