I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
