thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
