I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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