I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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