She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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