I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
