first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
