I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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