I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
