remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
