I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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