I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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