home. puking in laundry basket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
