I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
