How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
