So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize