And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
