just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
