I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
