You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
