there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
