Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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