My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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