oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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