Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
