Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
