chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
