How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
