So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
