I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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