Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
