I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They have beer where we have blood.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
