I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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