Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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