Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
