You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Let's get the cat blown out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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