how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
