4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
