It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
