Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
