clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
