hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
