so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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