If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
