I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
