i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
