i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
