Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
