There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
