watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
