do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
