Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
