Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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