You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
