My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
