I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
