do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
