Taylor Swift is so right about you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
