i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
