um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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